Where Edward Went
by PeteStump
Summary: This is where Edward went during his time in South Africa. . . [New Moon Spoilers] Humor fic.


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**Where Edward Went . . .**

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Edward was over Bella's house. It was after school, but before Charlie came home; the ideal time for Edward to come over. They were sitting on the couch, watching _Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory_. The older one, because Edward didn't like the new one.

"The old one was great, I don't get why they had to try and replace it," he had said.

Bella didn't really have a favorite of the two. They both had their highlights and low points, but to make Edward happy, she put the old one on.

Just then, Willy Wonka opened the door to the candy room, and started singing "Pure Imagination."

Come with me,

And you'll be,

In a world of,

Pure imagination,

Take a look,

And you'll see,

Into your imagination . . .

"I always loved this song," Bella said. "It's so pretty . . . "

They continued watching it, Bella singing along with the song very quietly, though Edward could still hear. He smiled at the beauty of her voice.

Shortly after, the Oompa Loompas came out. "I love these guys!" she smiled.

"I didn't really like the newer Oompa Loompas . . . Not quite the same . . . And the second movie completely changed Loompaland. It's not anything like that." He stated.

She looked at him oddly. "What?" she asked, confused.

"I said, Loompaland is nothing like what _Charlie and the Chocolate Factor_y portrayed it to be. _Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory_ was much more like it," he replied.

"And how would you know?"

"Remember when I told you I went to South America when I left you?" he asked.

"Yes," she sighed, trying not to remember that day. "What about it?" Her tone of voice made it very clear that she wanted to hear no more about that day, or the day with the Volturri, though she was curious about what he was talking about Loompaland.

"Well, I didn't just go to South America."

"So you went to Loompaland?" she sighed, knowing he was joking with her.

"Yes," he said, completely serious.

"Edward, do you honestly think I am that gullible? Loompaland . . . come on . . . " She rolled her eyes, playfully slapping him in the chest.

"Bella, I'm not joking," he said, still serious.

"Oh, come on, Edward."

"Loompaland is a tropical forest hidden in northern Brazil, near the Amazon Basin. It is so deep into the forest that no human can make it in very deep. Well, not deep enough to get to the Oompa Loompa's hideout. They are in the very middle of Loompaland, trying to hide from all the other creatures." He continued on, ignoring Bellaâ€™s protests, and her laughing and telling him to stop kidding around. But as he went on, her laughter faded a little, and she began to believe him.

"Edward, though you sound incredibly believable, please stop. Itâ€™s funny, but I'm not falling for it, so give up."

"This is all completely true."

"You have even admitted how good a liar you are."

"Yes, but I'm not lying."

"How do I know?" she asked.

"Ask Alice. Carlisle. Esme. Jasper. Emmett." He looked at her. "They would all tell you I'm not lying."

"You could think of something slightly more convincing than Oompa Loompas, you know," she pointed out.

"Why are you so against the possibility of Loompaland existing?" he asked. "You believe in vampires and werewolves, why are Oompa Loompas so out of the question?"

"Because, you and Jacob arenâ€™t bright orange with green hair!" she exclaimed.

"So you have to see them to believe . . . "

"That's not true." She disagreed.

"Two years ago, Bella," Edward said, "when you were still in Phoenix, if someone were to tell you that vampires and werewolves existed, would you believe?"

"That's different," she argued.

"How so? I am right, you see. You have to see to believe." He crossed his arms, and looked at Bella with a triumphant face.

"Not true. When Jacob first told me the stories about you, I believed." His smile faded.

"But you had already seen me, and you were already suspecting me of not being human, you just couldn't place what I was."

"I didn't have you _see_ you drink somethingâ€™s blood."

"If Jacob had told you that story, and you had never before seen me in your entire life, would you still believe?" he asked.

She paused, thinking.

"Ha! I'm right. Face it; you have to see to believe."

"Fine, maybe I do. But there have never been any sightings of any Oompa Loompas _ever_. People have seen vampires and werewolves all over the place," she said.

"That's because no one in Loompaland leaves, and it's very protected. Any human that even tries to come near is killed. That's why I didn't just say I'd take you there to prove I'm right. You'd be killed on sight."

"By what? The 'rotten Vermicious Knids'?" she said, quoting the movie.

"Loompaland isn't just where the rotten Vermicious Knids and Oompa Loompas live. Itâ€™s a large community, filled with thousands of creatures, ranging from Oompa Loompas to Vampires and Werewolves. It's a surprisingly peaceful place, considering the variety of 'creatures' that live there."

"How do they keep the humans out?" she asked.

He looked down, ashamed. "The vampires are the guards. And they _do_ have to eat." He shook his head at his kind.

"So . . . any human that enters becomes vampire food?" she asked, trying not to show any emotion. When Edward said the vampires had to eat, the image of the humans at the Volturri came to mind. All those people, being brutally murdered.

"Pretty much. The natives know enough to stay away; they think the gods they worship live in that forest. They believe it's sacred ground. But all the explorers that believe they're tougher than the natives because they have guns enter, and there are a surprisingly large amount of them. Enough to keep the vampires satisfied." He shook head again, repulsed.

"So why were you in Loompaland?"

"Victoria gave me a false lead down there. And Loompaland is a big place to search; she knew it would delay me enough so she could go back to the U.S."

"It worked."

"Yes, it did . . . Anyway, I went there searching for her, and met all the animals. They are not nearly as horrible as Roald Dahl described them to be. I actually made friends with a couple Wangdoodles and Snozzwangers. Even the Hornswagglers were okay. Though I do admit, he was right about the rotten Vermicous Knids. They really are rotten, evil creatures. And he's right about the poor Oompa Loompas. They're the lowest on the food chain, so . . . everything does eat them . . . "

"Wait . . . how did Roald Dahl enter Loompaland? He's not a vampire . . . "

"Yes, he is," Edward smiled.

"He is?" she gasped.

"Yes."

"Wow," she sighed.

"So, anyway, Loompaland _does_ exist. I've been there, I know."

"Edward?" she asked.

"Yes?"

"Can you promise me something?" she asked sweetly.

"Depends . . . "

"When I'm changed, will you take me to Loompaland?"

"Maybe. I can't guarantee anything."

"Fine," she sighed.

He suddenly jumped up. "Come on," he said. "Lets go to my house."

"Okay . . . " she said, wary or what was going to happen. Normally when Edward acted like that, there was a surprise waiting for her. A terribly expensive surprise, probably.

They got into the car, and drove toward his house. The drive there was very quiet; Bella was thinking of the Oompa Loompas.

Once they got out of the car, Bella saw Alice looking through the window. She came running out, and hugged Bella. "They're inside, Edward," she said.

"What's going on?" Bella asked hesitantly.

Edward just took her hand and led her inside.

Sitting on the couch were two little orange people, with bright green hair. Bella gasped, and looked at Edward. He just smirked.

"Going to believe me next time?" he smiled.

She just nodded._We'll begin,_

_With a spin,_

_Traveling in_

_The world of my creation,_

_What we'll see,_

_Will defy_

_Explanation . . ._

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Not much to say about this one...

Just, please review.

**_DISCLAIMER:_** _I do not own _New Moon_ or _Twilight _by the wonderfully brilliant Stephenie Meyer. Nor do I own the film _Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, _or_ Charlie and the Chocolate Factory _or the book by Roald Dahl in which they were based on._


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